The Content-ification of Wedding Culture

This is the culture study podcast, and I'm Anne Helen Peterson. And I'm Amanda Montell, host of the Sounds Like a Cult podcast and author of books including The Age of Magical Overthinking. We got so many questions for this episode, but one of my favorites, and I actually laughed when I read this, was literally, why do people give in and have a wedding? And we're not talking necessarily about why do people get married. It's more a lot of people don't want to have a wedding or are disinterested, neutral, and then just, as this person said, give in and have a wedding. So you had one last year, so I wanted your answer. This was me. This was absolutely me. I was repulsed by the conformity and consumerism and patriarchal pressures. I was like, I'm not doing that. And up until the day of the extravagant event that I did indeed throw wholeheartedly, I was referring to it as my dog's birthday party, just as a mental gymnastics act. I was like, this is not a wedding. I would not go to these lengths for a wedding, but I did. I did. And I can talk anecdotally about why I did it. Yeah. I am a person who greatly enjoys pageantry and festivity. I take it upon myself as a hobby to throw involved parties at my house for my friends. My husband and I, well, we joke that this is independently a hobby for us both, Halloween parties. But it's kind of a thing, like, you have to do it as a couple because if he were just like a single man throwing this over-the-top Halloween party, it would suddenly be, like, kind of creepy. But as a couple, we... I mean, last year we threw an event called Club Vampire. We flew in our demon twink DJ from Brooklyn. He's a friend. So this was, like, a love-themed party that the culture sanctions, you know? And that felt like a negative, not a positive for me, the cultural sanctioning. So I proposed to my cisgender male husband. Well, then he was my boyfriend. You know how it goes. And that felt like a good start in terms of sort of subverting many of the cultural norms that give me the proverbial ick. I am bisexual. I didn't want to be perceived as this, like, blushing bride, you know? This, like, Stepford-y bride that is portrayed in so much media. But I think, long story short, from all of the interviews that I have now conducted with married friends of various backgrounds, sexualities, as well as experts, sociologists who study wedding culture, bachelorette party history, etc., my understanding is that there is just such an incredibly long legacy and so many societal incentives to throw this event, which has changed so much. Like, the definition of what's traditional has evolved, is evolving all the time. that it feels like the right thing to do. And unfortunately, consumerism has replaced religion as the main reason to, like, do all these little bells and whistles that I really resisted doing. I had bells. I had whistles. But I feel like they were of my own creation as opposed to this, like, forced stilted thing that Pinterest incentivized me to do. But no, but here's the thing, is I think now the pressure is to have bells and whistles of your own creation. Like, I think that it's turned in on itself and, like, magnified into this, like, indie quirky bride, right? Like, that's the brand. 100%. I mean, and I'm not going to defend it. Like, I am like other girls. Like, let's be very clear. I am like other girls. But I am, like, an earnest former theater kid at the end of the day, and I love to throw theatrical experiences for my freaking friends and family. And so this, this, I love that we start this anecdotally because I think in your instance, it absolutely makes sense. In the instances that make me feel really sad for the person is people who do not like throwing parties. For sure. They do not have the money or want to spend the money. They have really complicated and traumatic relations with their family that they have to reactivate in order to do this. This part. They are maybe still learning their best communication style with their partner and spouse-to-be. And this actually, like, troubles it before you actually even get to be spouses. Like, those are the things that I'm like, you could give in. And I think, you know, the last 10 years, I would say that we have the, like, not just the small courthouse wedding, but, like, just different types of weddings have been repopularized, I think. I think so, too. Obviously, media portrayals of weddings have really established, like, what they should look like. And so I, I mean, I do think it's important for kind of, like, smaller, less opulent, more realistic, more accessible types of weddings to, you know, come to the fore in media. Um, but they're not as good for, you know, movies. So I think... I know. I actually think, like, the vows section of the New York Times for all of, like, the, uh, I don't know, the New York Times-ness of it, it often does highlight kind of fun, different ways that people have gotten married, different outfits that people have worn, different ages that people get married, all of those things. Yeah. But we got so many questions. I feel like we have to dive in so that we can get to all of them. Yeah. And I promise I have more than anecdotal bullshit to bring to the table. I know you do. I have... But my wedding was... It was bullshit. And you know what? It was so... It was so fun. I wore pink. Everyone else wore white. I wore butterfly wings. It was ridiculous. It was so ridiculous. I had a great... I had a great day at my dog's birthday party. Well, and we will... We will link to the Instagram post where you posted some pictures because I think that your joy is palpable in these photos. Like, you are not a bride who is like, ha, just smiling. Like, my makeup is melting off. Like, you're having a good time. So it's see... Like, you can feel the, like, on my own terms-ness, just, like, broadcasting. But sadly, my own terms do align with... Ugh, this is so... This is so regrettable. My doing a party on my own terms sadly did align ultimately with having a wedding. God damn it. God damn it. So lots of big feelings about this. Some people were like, how dare you frame, like, I don't know, contemporary wedding culture as, like, weird wedding culture is always weird. It is. It's totally weird. It's, like, rituals are weird. And they are ever-changing, and they are contextual, and they are culturally specific. And hopefully we'll be able to dive into all of those things. So the first question comes from Elena, and Melody's gonna read it. When did wedding culture change? I'm a millennial woman who grew up with a very proper mother in Texas, so I know something about etiquette and hosting. But even fancy weddings in the 80s were nothing like what is often considered standard today. For instance, my mom didn't need an event coordinator, but my wedding would have been a disaster without one. Is it as simple as Princess Diana's wedding? I have some thoughts on this, but I wanna hear you first. Yeah, I mean, I learned from a scholar named Beth Montemuro, who's a sociologist and wrote a book about bridal showers and bachelorette parties, that Princess Diana's wedding and the huge media treatment of that did have a lot to do with weddings going from this sort of intimate family affair to this extravagant thing that you would want others to see and appreciate, this sort of pseudo-royal wedding thing, which is cringe too, because we're never gonna be able to pull off a royal wedding, like any of us. I mean, the economic boom of the 80s also supported that. But then I think things really changed with the advent of Pinterest. Like that made other people's weddings visible. There was a lot of mutual escalation on social media, where it's like you see someone do something, now you have to do the thing, and then your bridesmaid has to do the thing. And we are consumerists. We approach problems with additive solutions, you know? Like that's what we do here in the U.S. of A. And yeah, I think it was really the social media of it all. And then, of course, the industry snowballed. And so now, yeah, if you don't have a background in event production, you're gonna need to hire a wedding planner, but now there's, like, a wedding planner type. And we almost hired a wedding planner, and then we were like, no, no, no, no, no. Because my understanding, and I'm sure there are exceptions of this, but I have learned throughout many conversations that wedding planners tend to make it all about them, oftentimes. And they just really want the best marketing assets for their business. And so, you know, I was interviewing this wedding planner, and she sent the contract. We redlined it because, like, there was this, you know, clause in there that said that she would be allowed to use all of the wedding photos that, like, my friend took in her advertising, like, in perpetuity. But my wedding was at my parents' house. And, you know, there were gonna be some photos where you could probably tell, like, where they live, and, like, In the end, I literally just paid a friend of a friend to take Super 8 footage, and I paid another friend who's an editor 500 bucks to edit it together, and it was like, great! The Culture Study podcast is sponsored by Biologica. So, maybe you're one of those people who has reached the age in their life where they have, like, a pill organizer for all of their vitamins and supplements, and Melody just held up her pill organizer. And you're like, well, some of these things I really do need to take every day. It needs to be a separate pill, but some of these things, like, especially with vitamins and supplements, sometimes they're, like, these big horse pills, and you're like, I don't want to lug this all over the place. And there's also, like, specific things that I think some of us, myself included, are taking to grapple with some of the changes of going through, I don't know, the portal, middle age. And I've been looking for a while for something that's more than just, like, a very basic multivitamin. Like, I wanted something more tailored to some of the stuff that I'm specifically looking for as a woman of 44 years old. And that's when I heard about Biologica, and I was like, okay, great. It's not even a pill. It's like a sachet. It's like a powder that you put into your water, and it kind of fizzes and bubbles, and it's this great cranberry taste that doesn't taste like artificial sweeteners, which always bugs me when you are tasting one of these powders that you put into your water. 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There's, like, weird gathering sweat in places there shouldn't be. Like, this is the time of year when I actually think more than any other time of year about, like, what sort of bra I'm wearing. And I love wearing my Honey Love bra when more perspiration enters the picture. Melody, the other day, someone said to me that they love our ads because it sounds like we're just, like, shooting the shit. We are. Which we are. Yeah. I like that my Honey Love bra, when sweat is happening, it does not stay damp all day. Oh, that's good. Yeah. It's not like, you're damp, you're damp for the rest of the day. Right. Which I feel like all of my other bras are. You know what that's called? That's called wicking. Yes, thank you. I know what wicking is. I was just giving you a name for us to use to describe what we like about it. 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My partner and I are currently planning our wedding, and I feel like so much of the online discourse is around how you don't have to have a big wedding or a wedding at all, and it's really just about the two people getting married. At a time when we're all talking about community, what does a cultural shift away from an event that's about bringing friends, family, and community together mean? And how can we make it more affordable and possible for people who do want that community event to hold it without spending more than their annual salary? I love this question because it's pointing to something that, like, I love to talk about, right? It's like, how do you actually make, like, how do you participate? How do you show people that they're meaningful to you? How do you, like, have a community, right? But I think the vast majority of contemporary weddings are not actually interested in guest experience, really, right? They're like, what food are we going to have? That's not what the guest experience is about. Yeah, it's about impressing people, maybe even online more than in person sometimes. It's about, like, what the Instagram version of the wedding, the spectacle of the wedding is going to look like and not what the experience is. And then also not a ton of thought about, like, the cost to a community. Like, what happens when attending a wedding becomes so expensive that no matter what the experience is, it doesn't feel quote-unquote worth it, right? Yeah. And different rules about how you should show up to this wedding and what you should be wearing and who you can and cannot bring and plus one or no plus one and where you're sitting, all of these things. The most interesting conversations I've seen about this, actually, are on, like, Priya Parker's Instagram, where she highlights weddings where they have done something incredibly mindful about making it feel like something that is a group of people coming together to celebrate the love between two people. Yeah. I mean, you can literally – I did this for, like, our welcome drinks, LOL, all the, like, all the events you, like, are coerced into throwing throughout the weekend. But again, I am that bitch, so ultimately I did do the welcome drinks. Anywho, our venue was $150 and it fit 70 people in it. And we, like, full-blown could have done the wedding in there. Like, you know, I think we brought our own mocktails and then there was, like, you know, spent maybe $1,500 on alcohol. And I was like, after the end of that night, I was like, this could have been it, you know? Right. Right. You're like, I saw the people. Yeah. It was fantastic. Like, this literally could have been it. You know, our two best friends gave speeches. We dressed up. I was like, this felt kind of like its own wedding. Totally. So I think, yeah, you can really, really simply just not use the word wedding when you're booking stuff. You can totally, you can totally just say you're throwing a special event and I think, you know, have a conversation with yourself and your partner about, like, how do we want to feel on the day? You know, what do we want our loved ones to feel? How much, how much do we really, like, really in our heart of hearts want to spend? How much do we want other people to spend? Now, I don't think it's, like, morally inferior to wanna, like, spend a bunch of money and, I mean, it is, if you are inclined to over-the-top celebration, then, like, this is an excuse to do that and to make your friends do that. And I, you know, destination weddings are on the rise. There was, like, a Grandview research poll that found that, you know, destination weddings are growing at almost a 17% rate annually. And that is certainly a way to, like, offset the cost to your guests. But I feel like that doesn't, that, like, by offsetting the cost to your guests, it does create this complicated scenario, right? For sure. Oh my God, yeah. It's like, what? Now your guests on a budget just, like, can't celebrate your love? A hundred percent. Yeah. No, I'm not recommending that. I'm reflecting that it is happening. Yeah. But, yeah, no, there are a lot of pressures online and offline to have a wedding. But, like, if you don't wanna, it is so possible to throw just, like, a much smaller, more intimate, more mindful, as you said, event where, like, the word wedding isn't even uttered until the day of. I, a friend of mine, they just went on, like, a fun trip to Iceland and then brought their wedding dresses as two women and got married and then, and had, like, a photographer there, right? And then they had, like, fun celebrations that were just, you know, at, like, a big bar or a community hall in the two places where both of them are from. So they got to celebrate with, like, so many people that mattered to them in, like, localized so those people could come and also have, like, a really precious moment that was on their terms. Yeah. Yeah, I love that. It's interesting the way that the wedding industry, but also just, like, kind of general discourse about weddings being traditional has justified, like, throwing the big extravagant wedding Well, and here's the other thing is that some people just don't like kids, and I think that we are normalizing people saying, like, I don't like kids. I don't like having kids around. And I know that, like, there are some people, we've had this conversation in my newsletter a lot, that think that, like, you're not allowed to say that. But you can – if you're throwing a party and there is a type of person – Yeah, no, I mean, I didn't want – yeah, there were lots of different Yeah, I mean, there – I mean, yeah, I don't think – I don't think we had, I don't think we had a single Republican at my wedding. See, I will also say that old school weddings, again, because they were often held at a religious institution, those religious institutions also have nursery spaces. Like, just the basement where you can send the freaking kids, and if you pay for some sitters who are there and, like, liability considerations were slightly different, right? Like, there used to be ways that you could, like, shunt the kids in a way that you cannot any longer. And I feel like it was also more traditional at a certain time in the past to have the wedding ceremony in the morning, and now they're more often at night or in the late afternoon, and so then people are, like, partying into the wee hours. But, like, the church wedding with the nursery, they're not, like, dropping acid. Like, there's so many – I mean, my wedding was, like, pretty – No one's on shrooms at the church wedding. Yeah, like, my – there was a lot of shrooms at my wedding. And, you know, that – yeah, like, Koha's daughter, she didn't do shroom. She's two and a half, but she doesn't need them. We're all trying to get on her level. That was the thing. I think we all want to be the kids. We all want to become the children. Well, and that actually, I think, like – how do I put this? Like, because weddings have also become more about the party and less about the ritual, less about the church ceremony, right? And more about, like, let's have fun together and, like, have a live band and, like, everyone's going to dance. It is about this opportunity to act like children. And if you are also responsible for children, sometimes that makes it harder. Great. We arrived at a great place. Wait, no. I have a really basic interjection here because I did not have children at my wedding. They're extra mouths to feed. They're extra mouths to feed and they're extra butts in chairs. It would have, like, significantly increased the price of our wedding had we included children because there would have been, like, 40 extra bodies. Practicality. Yeah, yeah. No, that's so fair. You're like, you're only half a person. I don't want to have to pay for a full chair. Exactly. It was a space and food issue for us. That's so, that's so, so fair. Now we're going to talk about aesthetics, one of my favorite things. This comes from Sarah. When I think about so many of the wedding's dresses, hairstyles, flowers, table settings being timeless, I know that we look back at weddings from 10 years ago and we think they're a bit cringe style-wise. But when I look at them 20 years later, the time stamps stuff is often fun. Is it because they're so expensive that we feel we can't follow trends? The same logic as investing in a good classic winter coat. Or is it because we've so removed photos of weddings with the other parent generation of a day? Or maybe something else? What do you think? I think timeless is a euphemism for, like, some type of elitist bullshit. Like, timeless? Timeless is, like, bourgeois, waspy whiteness, right? 100%. 100%. I think it is a dog whistle. I think timeless is a red flag. And it's also a ridiculous concept. Like, if you can guarantee anything, it is the passage of time. Like, you cannot beat time. You know, and I said bourgeois earlier, but I really think that, like you said, it's a euphemism. I think that it's a way of saying, I don't want to think tacky. I'm scared of having something tacky at my wedding, right? Tacky being, like, living in a moment and, like... I know! But, I mean, I think, okay, I think, too, probably a discourse about the wedding needing to be timeless followed the, like, Pinterest DIY millennial aesthetic of, like, mason jars and, like, chalkboard signs or whatever. We were like, ew. Like, that is so millennial cringe. We need to return to the Princess Diana aesthetic. But it's, like, it's such a futile pursuit. I don't think, like, well, sure, like, if you're following trends just because everybody else is following trends and they don't feel authentic to you, yeah, like, maybe you can think more about, let me go back to basics. Like, what do I really want? But that, I think, inauthenticity should be the enemy, not, like, timestamping or trendiness. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. But I do think that, like, part of this, too, is, like, if I avoid anything tacky or Pinterest-y, then I'm also rejecting wedding culture in a way, right? Like, if there is an understanding of wedding culture as culture, almost as, like, the thing that you're trying to avoid. Yeah. I don't know. I think the word timeless. If it's timeless, you're like a J.Crew sweater from 1980, right? It's so, it's just, I think timeless is just, like, a genre of wedding. It's like, do you want, like, a fairy tale wedding with a ball gown? Do you want, like, a sexy girl wedding with, like, a mermaid dress? Or do you want, like, a timeless wedding? What does timeless look like? How do you see it? What appears in your brain? Oh, that's so funny. That's such a good question. I imagine, like, Audrey Hepburn. I imagine, like, a kind of, like, a plain but, like, flawlessly executed, maybe, like, off the shoulder. French twist. French twist. Yeah, a French twist, but certainly an updo. You know, it's, like, past hors d'oeuvres, you know, black tie. Just, I think of, like, high class, you know? Like, I think it's just, I think it's just a synonym, a euphemism. It's really just a euphemism for, like, expensive. Expensive and spending your money on the right things, right? Yeah. And, like, a little more minimalistic, but, like, so fucking expensive. Again, because you have to avoid tackiness, because tackiness is showing off your money in some way, right? Like, it has to be subdued luxury. Quiet luxury. Oh, my God. I remember, okay, I did not wear, I did not wear a wedding dress. But I didn't. I wore a pink dress. But I did go wedding dress shopping. I, I, I mean, of course. Like, it's so fun. I tried on, like, so many wedding dresses. And some I just tried on, like, as a bit. And I tried on this one dress that I, like, I could not believe how not me it was. It was, like, so popular. And it was, like, it had kind of, like, a bandage, like, cut or whatever. Like, it was so tight around the midsection. And it was, and it was, I think, but I think it was what people might conceive of as timeless. It was just, like, very simple. Just, like, figure-fitting and off the shoulder and whatever. And it immediately inspired in me this alter ego named Antoinetta. And Antoinetta was, like, wasted and had just found out the day before the wedding that her husband-to-be's family had actually lost all their wealth. And it was all a facade. And so she was marrying into this, like, fraudulence. And it just, I was, like, overcome with this timeless Antoinetta, like, old money, like, performative, like, Gilmore Girls persona. It was, it was really fun for 10 minutes. Great. Like, timeless is miserable, man. Yeah, it is. Timeless is miserable. Like, get a personality. The Culture Study podcast is sponsored by Wild Alaskan. So, Melody, we just had to get a new grill. Oh, congrats. Well, but can I tell you why? Yeah. It's because if you don't put a cover on your grill here, if, say, someone who is the grill master in your home, that is not me, maybe forgets to put the cover on because it's really annoying. And then it starts to rust out and then, like, the bottom starts to rust out and then you can't use your grill anymore. That's when you have to buy a new grill. That sounds terrible, but also thrilling. I'm really excited, actually, to have this functioning grill. So excited that I took my last two packets of the sockeye salmon out of the freezer and they're currently defrosting and I'm going to eat them for dinner tomorrow night and it's going to be amazing. Just a light marinade, like maybe just a tiny bit of soy sauce, tiny bit of oil, salt and pepper. You're good Wedding dresses and suits or tuxes tend to be very expensive, so buying another outfit seems like a surefire way to blow your wedding budget out of the water. Also, the first or ceremony look is usually stunning and again expensive, so why make the outfit change? This is coming from a 2027 bride, so I'm genuinely curious and baffled by this trend. How many wedding outfits did you have? Three. Three. I'll tell you why. I had a suit for when people were arriving because it's traditional these days for the bride to be like hidden until she walks down the aisle or whatever. I was like, no, I want to be there. Like we had a fucking harpist and like champagne flutes with cotton candy in them. I was like, I want to be there, but I don't want people to like see my outfit yet. So I had a suit that, actually, I was sent for free because I know the marketing girly at Cezanne. Ha ha. Lucky me. Man. That's awesome though. I love a suit too. Like that's like, you're like, hey guys, welcome to my wedding. And then you like go into the closet and turn it to put on your dress. You're like, hey, I'm here again. Yeah, Casey and I were like both in suits and then everybody went down to the ceremony area and I went into my parents' bedroom and put on the most ridiculous pink Galinda ass dress you've ever seen. And Casey and I walked down. It wasn't an aisle, but we walked down a little staircase together and then I couldn't dance in that dress because it was long and I was wearing these big ass heels. So then I had to put on the little short dress. So that was just me. But if it baffles you, don't do it. I mean, why do people Totally. That's a great, that's such a good, that's such a good like, I don't know, like, what's the word I'm looking for? Rule of thumb. Like litmus test, whatever. That if it baffles you, fuck it. Yeah. It baffled me to have thousands of dollars of flower arrangements. I was like, no, I'm gonna go to Trader Joe's and get like little bouquets of flowers and put them in bud vases. And that's what we did. But having three outfits, whatever the opposite of baffle is, that's what it did to me. I think it really depends on your personality because I too would like, I love an outfit. And it would be, there's so few opportunities in my current life to like. Exactly. Wear those three outfits. And then also the, the point and going to Julia's question about like why people have a second outfit, especially for the reception. I think a lot of it is like, do you want to dance? Yeah. If you don't want to dance, whatever. But like a lot of people want to like really go after it on the, like they envisioned their reception and not as like demurely going from table to table saying hi to every single person that came and like maybe stuffing a piece of steak in your mouth. They see it as like, I'm gonna shovel the food in and then I'm gonna dance for literally four hours. Like that is my dream. Yeah. Our situation was the dinner was like the main event. It was like a bacchanal. I have a magician friend who did a magic show during the dinner. You're like, never speak to me again. Okay. The thing that I've noticed as you've talked about all of this stuff though, and what I think people should like internalize is each person who did something at your wedding was a friend of yours. Yeah. Yeah. They were part of your community. Yes. And so like there is a real difference between like, and then I decided I wanted a magician. And so I had to outsource finding a magician. And then there was this random magician guy doing tricks in the court. You know what I mean? Like, this was special to incorporate his skills into your party. Exactly. No, it was, it was so, so special. Um, but the movement, like being constricted and wedding dresses, a lot of the times are really constricting. And so I think people want to strip that off and whatever, have like a looser outfit, but that maybe wouldn't look formal enough for the ceremony. But I could not endorse enough just not getting a wedding dress. Like there are, you can, you can thrift and then spend all that money to alter it to your specifications and taste. Um, you can, you can just get like a white non-wedding gown and again, just spend the money on altering it. Um, and you'll still end up spending way, way less. I, yeah, I could not recommend enough just not getting a like build wedding dress. Well, and also like, I even look at anthropology has like a wedding arm or J crew has a wedding arm. And like the way that the cost goes up just because it's like placed into the wedding section is phenomenal. Like just find a dress that you love and wear that dress. Yeah, I love, I loved wearing pink and having everyone else wear white. And even, and I keep saying dress, find an outfit that you love. Like it could be, does not have to be a dress. Yeah, you could wear a cape and bloomers if you really want. Okay, I'm going to use this as our final question because it's very astute and I think will give us something to think about as we try to wrap up. This comes from Anna. There seems to be an inverse correlation between how much changes in your life from before and after a wedding and how elaborate the bachelor and bachelorette parties have become. Four decades ago, a bachelor party was one night typically, and a bachelorette was maybe a lingerie gift at your shower or a little lingerie shower once the older relatives left your bridal shower. And at that time, you probably were celebrating the loss of quote unquote freedom in a meaningful way. You might not have been living together before you got married. You probably still had separate bank accounts, et cetera. Now bachelor and bachelorette parties are so often very elaborate vacations, but what they are marking, the last ditch party before the big change of the wedding, is actually very insignificant. Most people I know who have these parties are already living together, sharing finances, going on vacations together, and so on. Often there isn't even a name change involved after the wedding. Is there something to this inverse correlation or is the answer just that everything that can be photographed has gotten more intense? Both, yes. So I looked into this one carefully because I did an episode of my podcast Sounds Like a Cult on the cult of bachelorette parties for which I interviewed this sociologist that I keep referencing, Beth Montemuro. And she talks about how, so the bachelorette party as a phrase and thus like a marketable concept, didn't really come about until the early 1980s. The bachelor party is older and that was more of this like last hurrah before you lock it down with the ball and chain. That wouldn't make sense in the days of yore for a woman because like there was nothing to sacrifice. She was like finally fulfilling her life's purpose by becoming a bride. Right. And also like no understanding that like a woman could go out and like have a party of sexual liberation. Like that wouldn't be appropriate. No, no, no. And then once, you know, 1970s happened, women's liberation, sexual revolution, blah, blah, blah. And then of course the economic boom of the 1980s, then women started kind of parodying and parodying what had become traditional for a bachelor party by throwing a kind of ridiculous, extravagant event of their own with like penis straws and last dick forever and da, da, da, which is obviously like a joke. It's like, it's like making fun of men. Right. But also not necessarily, it's in the pursuit of making fun of men. It's also maybe not the most authentic way of like celebrating friendship, which was ultimately through Beth Montemuro's studies, what, what bachelorette parties were really about. It's like, you know, I, I actually, I have a friend whose whose wedding I attended last year and she threw a bachelorette party at the Madonna Inn in California, which I don't know if you know what that is, but um, It's this amazing hotel with all these themed rooms. It's just the pinnacle of kitsch and it's just a great place for a bachelorette party. I was like, damn it, that's so good. But she said that she felt like she got, she had just gotten married to all her friends. And so it's just like, it's an opportunity to celebrate like the other loves of your life. Um, but yeah, I mean, uh, women are just like able to that women, women are more liberated now and so we're able to, and you know, more financially independent than we've ever been. And so yeah, we can throw like our our big ass bachelorette party to celebrate our friends. Um, and you know, w, weddings and marriage don't change our identities quite as much. Um, and so yeah, there is an inverse correlation and bachelorette culture and aesthetics are also heavily influenced by Pinterest and social media, both and. So smart. And I think also might help us reframe some of what, I don't know, just the general denigration of bachelorette parties. For me, I think the ones that are the best and like how I love to just to re-center the friendship part, right? When they get annoying is when it's actually just a group of like, you're like, I have to invite all these people and like, they're actually, they kind of hate each other or like travel in very different ways or you know what I mean? Like, and Stupid piece of misinformation about the origin of the bridal bouquet because I read it literally in every source. And I was just like, yeah, sure, that's, that seems true, even though I felt in my bones it wasn't and then a medievalist corrected me. But I was just like, why, why do I believe things that I know in my bones can't be true just because I like read them multiple times? And that has to do with a cognitive bias called the illusory truth effect. But Anyway, the book investigates different types of modern irrationality from the zeitgeist and my own personal life through the lens of cognitive biases. And it was a delight to write. Fantastic. And I will put links to all different places to buy it in the show notes. And where can people find you if they want to find more of you on the Internet? Well, if you wanna see my wedding photos, you can find them on my Instagram at Amanda underscore Montel. And I have a couple of podcasts. Anne Helen Peterson was a guest on our episode on the cult of trad wives on my podcast, Sounds Like a Cult. I also have a podcast called Magical Overthinkers about the buzzy, confounding emotional conundrums we can't stop overthinking about. And then I'm the author of a few different books that you can find wherever books are sold, Words Like, Cultish, The Age of Magical Overthinking. Amazing. Thank you so much. This has been an absolute delight. Sorry, I just keep thinking of funny things that you said. Oh my God. What fun. I never tire of talking about this wedding shit, really. Thanks for listening to The Culture Study podcast. Today, paid subscribers got a bonus conversation between Melody and me about how we find new music. It's not the ways you might expect. So if you want to support the show and be sure you always get that bonus content, head to patreon.com slash culture study. It's five bucks a month or $50 a year, and you'll get ad-free episodes, an exclusive Advice Time segment, and weekly discussion threads for each episode. And be sure to follow the show wherever you get your podcasts. We have so many great episodes in the works, and I promise you don't want to miss any of them. If you want to suggest a topic, ask a question about the culture that surrounds you, or submit a question for our subscriber-only Advice Time segment, go to our Google forum at tinyurl.com slash culture studypod or check the show notes for a link. The Culture Study podcast is produced by me, Anne Helen Peterson, and Melody Rowell. Our music is by Pottington Bear. You can find me on Instagram at Anne Helen Peterson, Melody at melodious47, and the show at culturestudypod.